The Emotional Side of Money: Why We Self Sabotage

About the Deep Dive Series

Every month, I pick a money topic I’ve been thinking about, talking about, or nerding out over. It usually something that’s come up in conversations with friends or clients. I’ll listen to podcasts, read articles and books, dig into the details, and then break it all down in a way that actually makes sense. The goal? To help you feel more confident and clear when it comes to your money. This post is from my April Deep Dive and it was also featured as a guest blog on Vested. You can read the feature here. These Deep Dives go out first to the email crew. Get the good stuff delivered straight to your inbox each month, join here.

Ready to explore the emotional side of budgeting and discover how to break free from self-sabotaging money habits? Let's dive in.

I used to think I was great at budgeting.

I’d sit down with my coffee, open the EveryDollar app, and map out my spending plan. It always felt like this would be the month I stuck to it.

Then a few days later… I’d be at Target or Nordstrom Rack, buying something I hadn’t planned for. I’d blow the budget and tell myself, “It’s fine, I’ll just dip into savings and make up for it next month.”

I told myself that a lot.

And every time, I slipped further from my goals.

Then one morning, I was driving to work in my Jeep Grand Cherokee (RIP 😢) and it hit me. I was tired of the cycle. Tired of feeling stuck. And deep down, I knew it wasn’t the budget that was the problem. I just hadn’t made space for the emotional side of money.

That drive changed everything. It was time to stop self-sabotaging and start honoring the financial future I actually wanted.

The Emotional Side of Budgeting:

Why We Self-Sabotage

Budgeting seems simple on paper. Spend less than you make, track expenses, stick to the plan. But if it were really that easy, we’d all have perfect finances, right?

The truth is, budgeting isn’t just about numbers. It’s deeply emotional. And sometimes, we self-sabotage without even realizing it.

So, why do we do this?

1. Fear of Restriction – Budgeting can feel like a punishment, so we rebel.

2. Money Shame – We avoid our finances because we’re carrying guilt.

3. Instant Gratification – That “treat yourself” moment feels good—until the regret hits.

4. All-or-Nothing Mindset – One slip-up and we throw the whole plan out.

Sound familiar? You're not alone.

How to Break the Cycle

Breaking your old spending habits is key to reaching your financial goals, but what if those habits are more rooted in science than we realize? In Unraveling Your Relationship with Money by Shannah Game, I learned that our brains are wired to cling to familiar routines, even when they’re working against us.

“Your brain is very lazy. It likes comfortable patterns, even if those patterns are destructive. I think this is one of the main reasons why making changes with your money decisions is so very difficult. Your brain likes to tell the same story about money. Your body just goes along for the ride” (Game, pg. 47). 

So, what can we do to break the cycle?

➡ Recognize Your Triggers – What’s really going on when you overspend? Stress? Loneliness? Frustration?

➡ Reframe the Budget – Don’t see it as a cage. See it as a map. It tells your money where to go so you can do more of what you love.

➡ Give Yourself Permission to Be Human – Mistakes happen. A budget isn’t ruined because of one impulse buy. What matters is what you do next. 

➡ Build In Joyful Spending – You’re allowed to spend on things you love. Just do it on purpose, not by accident.

Breaking old money habits isn’t about being stricter. It’s about getting curious, being kind to yourself, and creating new patterns that actually support the life you want. 

Something That Helped Me Recently

I also recently read Money’s Not a Math Problem by Jade Warsaw and—wow. Even though I’ve done a lot of work on my money habits and mindset, this book still hits deep.

It’s not another “do this, save that” kind of book. It’s about untangling the emotional baggage we carry around money. Jade breaks it down in a way that’s super real and compassionate. She gets that money is about more than numbers, but also about identity, emotions, and the stories we tell ourselves.

This book is a quick read (just 75 pages!). If you’re looking for a shorter book to help you get in the mindset of getting your finances in order, I would definitely add this one to your reading list! 

Let's Make It Real

💬 Tell me—what’s your version of the Jeep moment? Have you ever had that “enough is enough” realization with your finances? Connect with me on Instagram and share your story. I read every message.

📥 Need help getting back on track? Download my Monthly Budget Template for Google Sheets on Etsy. It's a great tool for budgeting beginners (includes a step-by-step tutorial on YouTube) and for all you spreadsheet nerds out there! 

📲 Let’s stay connected! Come hang with me on Instagram (@fennel_financial_coaching) or on LinkedIn. I share money mindset tips, budgeting strategies, and relatable content. 

You've got this.💚

Hi! I'm Jeannette Fennel. As a certified financial coach, I encourage and empower Millennials to take control of their finances. I focus on financial goal setting, budgeting, and debt payoff strategies. I love seeing clients make changes in their lives and crush their goals. Along with coaching clients one-on-one, I also run an Etsy shop with instant downloads called FennelBudgetingShop.

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